I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
