thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize