I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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