my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I need water and some morals
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
