the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
