Soap is not a condiment
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
