clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
His hands were made for my vagina.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
