It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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