My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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