Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
