I love black thongs
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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