dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
