Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
