Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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