did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
