But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
