It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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