That's intense
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
