We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
