Well douche your snatch and let's go!
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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