Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
