Is it normal to miss your booty call?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
