I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
