how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
