dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
