I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
