I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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