Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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