WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
