Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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