Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
