How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
