i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
