So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
