if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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