His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
How's work?
Spinning.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
