She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
