I should be sponsored by Trojan
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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