well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize