I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
