Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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