I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
