I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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