Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
