There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
