Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
