I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
What a dumb baby whore.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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