Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
