I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
