i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
