Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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