Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
