Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
