if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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