Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
