your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Come share oat with me in your robe
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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