i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
