i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
