Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
