I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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