You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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