i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
