the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
