oh god the rape fog is back!
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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