That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
