My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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