I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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