just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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