I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
