Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
