Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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