Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
