Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
