This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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